the man of my dreams by curtis sittenfeld

I just wrote in the title of this post and then set my fingertips on the keyboard and sighed.

I finished this book this afternoon and then immediately called my friend Paul in the parking lot - I felt so empty after finishing this book, so...worn out. It took a surprising amount out of me to read it, and I am still mourning it a few hours after closing the back cover. I'm not sure what it was that affected me so much - I identified deeply with the main character on some levels, but on others felt like we couldn't be more different. I guess maybe I identified so closely with her that the things that happened to her felt like they were happening in my own life.

After finishing this book, I am intensely glad that I read Sittenfeld's 3 novels in the order that I did - Prep, American Wife, and then this book. I unknowingly read them in the opposite order I would rank them. Prep honestly makes me angry. I was expecting something very different when I opened the book with the grosgrain belt on the front - something about kids from prep schools that would speak of my life - but what I found was sad and dark and...unsavory. Nothing like the joy and irresponsibility I experienced at my own prep school. I suppose I should go back and read Prep again, this time not judging the book by its cover, more prepared to face and cope with what it is.

I read Sittenfeld's other books knowing what to expect - and I was pleasantly surprised. Maybe if I gave Prep another chance and this time, allowed it to be what it is rather than what I was hoping it would be, I would have the same reaction. Though I must say, it's doubtful.

In short, the man of my dreams accomplished what I was hoping for from Prep - it echoed my life. It is the story of a young woman named Hannah, from her childhood through her twenties. She is the product of a divorce between a passive mother and an aggressive father. She struggles through her life, trying to define herself independently from her relationships with men. It is real. What more can I say about it? There are so many fluffy chick lit novels out there right now, riding high on the fantasies young women (such as myself) maintain about themselves and their potential futures - but Sittenfeld's voice is honest, and Hannah's experiences ring true. Maybe this will explain why I copied half of the book over into the quotes section on my other blog.

I imagine that Sittenfeld wrote this book out of personal experience, hoping it would find other young women who had felt the same way at one point or another in their lives. It did.